Tuesday, September 9, 2008

WELCOME TO MY PITY PARTY


Years ago, one of my best friends daughter's was having a rough time as a teen. She had cried on my shoulder because she knew I Loved her and would be honest with her. She was going on and on about how awful her life was and said "It sucks to be me!" My response was not at all what she expected. I totally went off on her and told her to NEVER say that again. I told her how much she was loved by her family, and friends, and God. It was many years ago, and since then her life has traveled down many different roads. She is now a Mother to 2 beautiful children and seems to be in a good stable relationship. She is working at something she Loves. Her life is not perfect, but it IS Wonderful.
I can't tell you how many times this past Month or so I have said out loud; "It sucks to be me." I'm feeling bad about it right now so no lectures please. LOL
I know it's not true, I am blessed beyond measure. I'm just having issues with all that has transpired this past year. I miss my daughter in Africa, the One in Omaha, and I am frustrated with the Life my precious Kristine is living right now. (She's ok, and not too far away and we remain close...but things are not ideal)
I miss my Grandkids who all live hundreds of miles away. I miss My Nephew who passed away last Sept and Grandpa George who passed away this Summer. I miss my old friends in Snohomish and Marysville and am sad that I've not made an equal number of close friends here in Wenatchee. I'm sad that I have been blessed with a job that I hate. I'm sad oh so very sad that I'm not able to have a relationship with My Mom and my siblings like I'd like to have. In fact, I can't have a relationship with my Mom at all. I hurt much easier than I've ever let on. People have always viewed me as the Strong one, but it's not true at all. I CAN be strong if needed. But in reality, I just want to curl up and cry. However, I have the strength from God to get up and do what I have to do. I am learning to lean on him.
The biggest thing is that I am turning 50 this year, this MONTH!!!!!! OMG.
I can't believe it. My husband is planning nothing. I KNOW he is not planning anything becuase he keeps going on and on about how the Girls Cruise I went on was my Birthday present. He gets angry in fact when I mention about how nice it was of me to let HIM and his friends use our Time share in Palm Springs to go Golfing that same week I was on a cruise. Also...my dear friend Delena is planning a romantic get away that very weekend of my Birthday. At first I was so happy for her (still am) Then I was sad that Dan really isn't doing anything. My daughters are not here to help or encourage him to plan anything. I'm so bummed about it. Bummed to the point of being pissed. Silly I know. I think it's not about the Party really (or lack thereof) I think it's because I'm turning 50 and there are so many things I wanted to do by this time in my life.
I'm gaining weight instead of loosing it. I'm getting more Bitchy instead of more tolerant, and I have chickend out of doing the Dam to Dam race. I mean I'm scared to do it. Afraid I will have to get off of my bike and walk it while EVERYone walks past me. I can't face it. I'm also afraid of falling off. Keep in mind that I've NEVER fallen off my bike yet...but I've also not ridden on an open rode like that.
So here I am....deciding to create my own party and you are all Invited.
My Pity Party has Started!
(It will end soon so don't worry too much)

4 comments:

Delena said...

Oh, my dear Pam. I really does suck to be you. LOL. Just kidding. Only I can get away with saying such a rude thing. Actually, I'm really sad reading your blog. I wish you weren't so frustrated. You are becoming such a good friend, great friend. I mean, you have been a great friend, but it seems like its getting even better. I love ya! I'm so glad you're here in Wenatchee.

Wentworth Family Blog said...

I am sorry you are feeling down. I have had moments of sadness as well. I usually try to drown my sorrows in a good bottle of wine and some ice cream. I think you are a beautiful person and I am glad to have you as a friend. Hang in there. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Dawn said...

I've been watching different moms whom I admire and who are older than me for many years. I've also been watching their kids as they grow up...trying to learn a few things. One thing I've noticed is that some of the most dedicated, loving moms I know often have kids who grow up to be very independent, with a real sense of purpose in their lives- but that sometimes means they move far away to fulfill that purpose. That must be so hard to have your daughters so far away, but if it's any comfort...it likely means that you did a really great job raising them.
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. Thanks for the encouraging comment you left on my blog. You're such a sweet friend.

Chad the Chicken said...

Well, good lord, snap out of it right now! LOL. Just kidding. Just like Delena, I'm the only one who could get away with sayin that. Pam, I simply adore you. Just like Delena, you are becoming such a great friend and it seems like it gets sweeter every time I'm with you. You make me laugh and we connect in such a cool way. I love you so much.