Thursday, June 25, 2009
MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE
When I was about 13 years old, I used to help lead songs at my Foster Mom’s church. I’d sing sometimes with my Foster Sister Linda on Special Occasions also. We even had a few other young people from our church who sang in a little ensemble from time to time. I would listen to my Mom or Sister sing Harmony to these old Hymns and I would try to copy them. I just loved to sing! I never paid much attention to how I sounded until one day when one of my older foster brothers came over to our house and heard me singing. “You sound like this gal from my high school who sang with me in Bye-Bye Birdie.” He said.
I thought it was a compliment at first. But then he went on to imitate my singing and described it as “Warbled” he said I sounded like a Canary. Geeze! Don’t Canaries sing good??
I was devastated. I didn’t stop singing, but I sure became more self conscious about it. I didn’t sign up to sing in any Choirs in school until I was a senior and my new BFF encouraged me to change my schedule and be in choir with her. I agreed and we went during lunch to have the teacher initial my request for the office.
I was in such angst when I realized that I was going to have to audition right there for this teacher I didn’t even know. I think I sang God Bless America cause it’s the only song I knew by heart. He didn’t bat an eye, said I was an Alto and off I went. This choir was not just the High School Choir; it was “The” Madrigal Choir.
We didn’t wear robes, but ordered special matching dresses and attended competitions even! I had a blast in that Choir. It was one of the highlights of my Senior Year.
It gave me back the joy of singing I remembered. Much to the disdain of my girls I often think, I pretty much sang my way thru the next few years of my life. I would make up different words to old songs. When they got older, we would go to Karaoke with our friends on the weekends and I even entered a competition at our local hang out and made it to be one of the semi-finalist. I have lots of fond memories even of taking our girls to “Family” Karaoke on Sundays.
Once we started attending church on a regular basis in Snohomish, I joined the choir there. We sang most every Sunday and the only problem I encountered is that I didn’t read music. Eventually our church grew and we established a worship team.
I really wanted to do be a part of it. I finally got the courage to talk to our pastor’s wife about it and was told that I had to meet with her and sing for her. Ugh…Gulp…. I didn’t think I could go through with it, but I did. She had me sing one of my favorite Worship songs with her and I sang the harmony. That was it…I was in! I had the best time. I was able to lead worship, and then go teach my Pre-school Sunday School class as soon as that part of service was over. Soon I got brave enough, and even was doing duets with my friends and even once sang a solo for special music. Music and singing were once again a big part of my life. I had found my purpose at SFA.
Fast forward 5 years later and here I am at a different church sitting in the pew on Sunday morning wishing I was up front on the worship team. I remember the first choir practice I drug myself to. Everybody was so good! They ALL seemed to know how to read music. I couldn’t tell you what an F sharp or B flat look like or sound like. I just know how to “hear” the harmony or melody. I almost never went back. But there was this precious gal who wanted me to join “Mommy and Me” and I had to tell her I didn’t have any kids calling me Mommy anymore! She was my new BFF and I was willing to do anything in order to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I miss our days of choir. I wished so much that WFA had a choir that would sing once in awhile. All there is left to sing with is the Worship team. But that being said, I have let my fears of not being good enough, or thin enough keep me sitting there looking on. I have had encouragement from a few friends telling me to just do it and join the worship team. I keep waiting until everything is "Just Right". I keep hearing a voice in my head say that I’m not good enough or thin enough to stand up there. I don't really believe these things. I know that God made me who I am and that God has promised to give me the desires of my heart. I desire to sing, to worship and to praise him. I will never Be Good Enough or Thin Enough for some people...But I am Perfect In God's Eyes. I feel the time is near.