Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I May be Frayed, but I'm still here...

I’ve got the Writing bug again. Fall and winter is Approaching and I picture myself with more free time on my hands sitting in my Living room while I type away on the Lap Top I bought Just for this very thing about 2 years ago...but have not really been using for much more than Face booking and Google Searches for Wedding ideas. There have been many changes evolving around me and I often feel that I’m just barely holding on while ‘Life Happens’. I have often referred to some people like that …they just sit and let “Life Happen to them”. I refuse to be one of those people. I don’t like the feeling I get when things are going on beyond my control. I mean, nobody really does (do they?) My youngest daughter is getting married in the spring and I am Happy-Over the Moon-Thrilled for her. I have lots of fun little projects and “To-Do’s before she Says “I-Do”. But the process of it all tires me and I’m left a little overwhelmed. It’s my own doing…my own ideas that are in my control. But I have put High Stakes on this. I want it to be all that she hoped and dreamed of. On top of the Wedding, I’m working more than I’d really planned on at this stage of my life. With Dan on the other side of the Mountain pass 4 days a week, I sometimes feel alone and afraid at night. It’s silly I know, but old haunts just never go away. So the cycle goes on with lack of sleep, over tired and can’t sleep the next night. Grumbly and headache at work the next day and still not enough sleep that night. Finally Thursday comes...and thankfuly, so does sleep. Dan is very comforting and calming to me. I couldn’t go thru any of this without him. But then again, if it weren’t for him...I wouldn’t be going thru some of this in the first place! LOL

When Kristine was a baby, a friend of mine made her a crib quilt. It was a very simple small quilt with squares, a solid soft cotton backing and was tied with yarn. She Loved that Quilt and slept with it every nap and every night. It stayed with her when she moved to her toddler bed, then to her full size bed and she still clung to it when she had the King size bed we gave her when she was in High School. The squares were frayed, some missing and quite honestly it often smelled bad. She would tuck it inside of her pillow case even when it was down to just the brown backing so that her fingers could touch it when she slept. That quilt brought her Great comfort.
When I was thinking about her frayed quilt, I was thinking of how I am so similar right now to that quilt. I’ve been thru a Lot in my Life, and have given alot. I'm starting to feel that parts of me have been ripped away. But I am still here. I still have a purpose. The past few days, I've had a little Melody in my head and these words:

“I may be frayed, but I am still here.
Though I am torn, I have no fear.
God gives me strength, he’s always near
He blankets his arms around me.”

I’ve taken Kristine’s quilt back from her and it is now freshly laundered smelling of her favorite laundry soap and fabric softener. I have hopes of re-doing the quilt for her as a Bridal Shower gift in the hopes that she will never lose that feeling of comfort.


Delena said...

Good to see you blogging again! I love you Pammy.

Chad the Chicken said...

Oh sweeeeet Jesus!

Anonymous said...

t's such a great site. fanciful, acutely fascinating!!!


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