Thursday, November 6, 2008

Feeling Sad

I have not been able to resolve any of the family issues I've had with my Birth Mom and Siblings. However, I have tried to just give this time and have been going along trying to not make any waves. My Sister Liz had e-mailed me some pretty harse words awhile back and posted a blog on her Myspace page as well expressing how "someone" meaning me, needed to "..Suck it up, forgive and make up, so that everyone else in this family isn't hurting as a result." Her words were honest, and I hold no hard feelings against her for it.
So...for the last couple of months, that is what I've been doing. I've made a few attempts at humor, at sharing silly things in my life etc. I got flowers from my Mom for my Birthday. I sent a Thank you card to her.
Today, out of the blue...I get an e-mail from my Brother Kenny. He tore into me for how I "..callously and proudly chime in as if nothing is wrong or nothing happened."
"..You are either oblivious to the way you treat people or deliberate. Either way, it is intolerable for me."
I have been in tears for the past couple of hours since reading his e-mail. I replied to him and said that it was neither careless Banter or rudeness, but that it was good to know how he sees it. I then sent another e-mail to him letting him know that I felt like I was in a no win situation. If I didn't e-mail, then I was adding to the problem. I am not going to send anymore e-mails. I will read e-mails from my family, but for now I will not write back. (I guess!!) I am so confused.

4 comments:

Chad the Chicken said...

Oh Pam, I'm sorry. You know what I think of that Liz. Please know that I love you and think you're fabulous.

Queen Mimi said...

She means well. (I think) This whole thing has caused me to be even More insecure than I ever was before. (Is that even possible?) Smile on my face now. Going to bed...will see things new tomorrow. Thanks Chad.

Delena said...

Oh Pam. I'm as confused as you. You're darned if you do and darned if you don't. Wish I had some advice. Just keep showing them love. You don't have to put yourself out there to be trampled on, but showing love to them when you have the chance. Easier said than done, I know. And then it gets thrown back in your face.... but anywho

Ryan said...

I'm really sad to read this and...I hope we can chat when you get up this morning and catch up a bit more. I love you! -Jen