Friday, November 7, 2008

An Apologetic Nature May Lead to the Loss of One's Identity

I did not write this, but found it on Facebook from a young girl named Lois. I got her permission to share it here. It explains how I feel sometimes, and how absured it is to feel that way.

Can you accept my many apologies?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I’m just so insecure and everything I say or do seems to need an explanation or a request for forgiveness. Sorry about being so doubtful and self-conscience. Please don’t run away from me.

I promise that I’ll be happy all the time. I promise I won’t worry anymore or focus on myself at all. Just don’t leave me. I really, really need you.

Sorry for being so reliant on you. I know that you might distance yourself from me because of my dependency, but please don’t. I’m very sorry and I’ll stop now.

I’m sorry for talking so much and prying too much and bugging you too much and being so lazy and being too enthusiastic. I have so much guilt. I know it’s unhealthy. Sorry for feeling so guilty all the time.

I’m sorry for anything I ever said that irritated you or hurt your feelings. Maybe I should just stop talking. I would never want to upset you with anything that came out of my mouth. Sorry for never saying the right thing at the right time.

Did I mention how sorry I am for not meeting your expectations? Well, I am. I know I let you down – I let most people down. Sorry for not being perfect. I’m really trying. I promise.

I’m so very, very sorry for being who I am. I know I’m not good enough, and I’m working so hard to fix that. Maybe if I could just take away all my bad qualities – my personality, my habits, my emotions, etc. Become someone new. Leave my sorry self behind.

So sorry.


Dawn said...

Sweet Pam...(hugs). You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Ryan said...

What beautiful writing and a perfect description of how you must feel.

Chad the Chicken said...

Oh my sweet friend! I LOVE YOU!!! You are never a bother to me or anything. I just love you to pieces! I can't even imagine what your crown will look like on presentation day in heaven. Don't grow weary.