Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I've been in a bit of a funk the past few days. I know that part of it is because I've had this cold. I know that part of it is because Dan is gone all week and our weekends together seem too short and too full of stuff that needs to be done. I just want to put the brakes on my life and Scream "Hold on a Minute!" I think that we've been doing great with this new twist in our lives and have done a good job in balancing it all. But something is missing. I have an emptiness that I can't shake. It occurred to me this morning in the shower...
(My best thoughts are "shower thoughts") Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary...which means that today is April 28th...which means that today would have been Tiff's Birthday! Ah ha!! That's what's wrong. I miss my friend Tiffanie. It's been 5 years since she died from pancreatic cancer. It's been 5 years since Dan and I moved here to Wenatchee. I have tears in my eyes even as I type this. She was such an Amazing friend. She was the kind of friend who you could call at any time and she'd stop what she was doing and come to your rescue. She was the kind of friend who would call YOU to come and rescue her... or to have you go help someone else that she heard about. She was not just a "Sunday Friend" (her phrase) She was the kind of friend that made EVERYONE feel like they were her "Best Friend". She taught me so much. She was a faithful prayer, a reader of God's word, Gardner and Gleaner, a Homemaker and Mother. She had a Beautiful voice and helped me gain confidence to join the worship team and to even sing a solo at church. When she was diagnosed with Cancer, she turned it all over to God. She never stopped to feel sad about it.
"God must have something he needs to teach me" she said. The 3rd and final time the cancer came back she said; "I guess God has more for me to learn."
I told Tiff that maybe it wasn't about her this time; maybe it was about God teaching those who loved her something about him.
I remember once complaining about all that I had to do before my Mother in law was coming for a visit. Between Christmas and work, I was feeling overwhelmed. She kept asking me what she could do to help. “Oh nothing.” I’d say back to her. Finally, she kept bugging me and insisted that she wanted to help. She told me to Make a list and that she would come over to help me get it done. So I gave in and agreed that she could clean out my fridge and straighten up my linen closet. While she was buried deep in my fridge, she stuck her head out and said with a huge grin; “You must really Love me!” What? I said. “You must really Love me to let me do this for you.” Wow…I was blown away. I was so afraid of letting her see my messy house that I almost missed out on this wonderful Double Blessing.
I will never forget that moment, and I will never forget her.
Today I am not just missing the friendship of Tiffanie, but I am missing Friendship. Facebook tells me that I have 133 friends. But I don’t feel like I have the kind of friends that I would call just to chat or meet for coffee. Everyone is so busy right now with Kids and Sports and church activities. I think that if Dan were home more than 2 days a week, I’d be less “friend needy” because he and I are fantastic friends. But I also think that it’s not healthy to expect your spouse to fill that need all the time. If my daughters or other family lived closer, that would help too. But it is what it is. Thank God for Instant messaging, texting and Facebook. I know that this is just a Season for me. It’s just a bump in the road. I feel better just being able to acknowledge what I am going through right now.
I am Thankful for the friends who are there for me, and who will allow me to be there for them.
Pity Party is over….you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.a


Delena said...

Sorry about Tiffanie. I know she was special to you. I can't imagine losing a friend that close. Know that I love you even though I never get to see you. We need to make a point of getting together soon. Love ya!

Delena said...

By the way, have I told you you're one of my very favorite people?

Anonymous said...

Pam, I feel soooo sorry for you about losing Tiffanie.. I know you was very close with her, and her family. Sometimes it's hard to understand why God takes the wonderful people from our lives, but he knows all, and we have to trust him. I too know the feeling we get after losing someone to cherish so much.. It is a feeling deep down that sometimes takes time to go away.. But keep your chin up and you will have a better day.. Love you sooo much

Queen Mimi said...

Back at ya Delena! You are one of MY favorites as well.

Melissa said...

Tiffanie wounds like a really amazing friend.