Monday, April 19, 2010

Failure is Not the Only Option!

I have been over-wrought with concern about the failures in my life. I have failed at being a Good Friend and Leader. I give in to Temptation and Gossip too easily. I don’t know How to be the Daughter my Mother needs and am running out of time to fix it. I have a Failed Relationship with the Brother I was closest to (But I won't own ALL of that) I struggle with Not being an Over-Bearing Mom and making sure that my Adult Daughters know how much they mean to me. I have become "That" Grandmother who is always late with Birthday cards now, which Sucks because it's So important to me. I am Not a Good Housewife/Housekeeper anymore and it is Driving me Crazy! I have an Amazing job that I don't enjoy. I’m just tired of working I think. I want to quit my job so that I can play house and BE a better housewife, mother, and friend. I want to be Mentor to someone. I want to have time to let someone Mentor Me! I want to learn how to Knit, Play the Piano and the Guitar. I want to travel with my husband and visit my Grand kids, Friends and Family. I want to be able to go on a Mission Trip whenever there is a nudging at my heart to do so without any guilt or concern that I can't get the time off of work. I want to finish My Book! I hate that I am such a Big Picture Person that I can’t see the Trees for all the Forest….
I have too much “To-Do” and not enough “Time”. My job gives me good money, but I have no time to spend it on the important stuff. I’m so frustrated today and have been close to tears here at work for the majority of it. I don’t want to be a Nurse anymore. I want to Just Be Me. However, any other option than working will cause a Huge line-up of Failures. Dan and I will not get all the bills paid that need to be be gone so that he can Retire in 2 years. I fear that he will be disappointed in me for Quitting. (We Johnson’s don’t Quit) But What if….What if there was something else around the corner waiting for me. Am I willing to Fail in order to Succeed?? What if Failure was Not the Only Option?

1 comment:

Delena said...

Hang in there, darlin. The bright side: You don't need to be a good housekeeper b/c you can hire one; you have a job where you can blog at work ;) and you're an AWESOME FRIEND! I love you, queenie. And perhaps God does have something waiting around the corner. Trust Him to open and close the doors as needed. So you wont miss a thing. :) Love ya.